#been my last resort yknow

[dailybaizhu]

baizhu and xiao meeting (again) unexpectedly

53: XIAO IS HERE

[aidenwaites]

Finally gives in uhhh 3 hours before i would've left anyway and asks if it's okay if I don't come in at all

[mamadarama]

hii!! I love hearing ur opinions on ships n characters bc I think u just have such a fascinating way of thinking abt characters SO I wanted to ask what ur thoughts on nazuna are, if u have any nazuna ships, and what specifically ur thoughts are on shu + nazuna's relationship? hope ur having a good day!!!

aww thank you !!!! :')) that makes me really happy to hear !!! my days been alright, i hope yours is too :^)

nazuna is really interesting hes genuinely just such a kind and emotionally intelligent person. as of now the only sort of romantic ship i have for him is unrequited kaonazu, its funny to see kaoru trying again and again to flirt with nazuna and nazuna watching him fall over himself with a look of mixed amusement confusion and pity. hes never gonna let kaoru succeed but hes enjoying watching him try . as for platonic ships , i love nazuna and kuros friendship theyre so cute

shu and nazuna.... haah. i love the tragedy of it all . theres a lot of melancholic feelings there . when nazuna first left valkyrie it was like, they dont really want to be strangers but they know theyll never be friends again so theyre sorta just standing just out of arms reach of each other and staring through the tension . but since then the dust has settled and theyve started living parallel to each other, still out of arms reach. interacting as little as possible but keeping tabs on each other not in an invasive sort of way but in an "i just like knowing what youre up to" way. honestly the whole situation ended about as well as it could have. after everything that happened of course nazuna cant forgive shu, and he shouldnt, but he doesnt hate him either which is a testament to his maturity . shu knows that too and it hurts, he does wish they could be friends again. but more than that he wants what's best for nazuna and nazuna wants the same for him, and both of them recognize that whats best for both of them is to keep their distance. thats what the logical side of them says at least . the emotional side however, is giving them cold feet. because they still care about each other and thats why they wont walk away fully . so they continue to walk on either side of the same road . they wont talk, theyll never go out for lunch to catch up, but they have each others phone number. nazuna still wears the clothes shu made for him. shu finds a christmas card in the mail every year without fail. sometimes theyll catch the other in the back of the audience at their shows. theyll smile at each other in the hallways . theyll defend each others reputation in an argument. in an emergency situation they know they could call each other for help as a last resort and there would be no questions asked. and yknow, that's okay. they dont have to be friends . they can be someone they used to know and coexist in silence . no hard feelings, only bittersweet acceptance. i think shu is happy to see nazuna thriving in rabits . theres nothing he could ever do to make up for what hes done but he can make sure it doesnt happen again and thats really important. i think they should hug each other one last time.

[therosejamjournal]

since i finally have some disposable income i did a thing i've been dreaming of doing since playing the demo last year aka buying the golden rose on steam!!! the game went by waaay too quickly and i don't know how i'll survive the wait until book 2 😭(being a fast reader is as much of a curse as it is a blessing)

i can't draw for shit so i decided to resort to a meiker to capture my bastard lovely mc who totally doesn't deflect her trauma with sarcasm and sharp grins who is very well adjusted & normal + bonus blushing hadrian because i couldn't stop myself

petra romanus in the flesh

anyways, thank you so much @anathemafiction for creating this world, characters and story!!! it's going to stay with me for a while

(p.s. here is the link to the meiker: fairytale duet as well as the f/f and m/m version for. yknow. purposes.)

[buqbite]

ok so!!!! i have. so many thoughts about penacony. aventurine the man you are...... his obsession with facades and masks... his future self shit talking him.... 2.1 truly delivered. his dynamic with ratio is also so interesting.... the contrasts... aven not taking care of himself at all vs ratio the self care king........

there's so much unexplored potential for a friendship between acheron and aven... their similarities as people who lost everything ... how acheron works in the shadows and aventurine flaunts himself yet acheron is much more willing to be... openly vulnerable about her past? as compared to aven..... i care them both dearly anyway!!! i have many thoughts on 2.2 but i don't want to intrude or make this too long ajshldfkjasdjf but yes!!!! im having a good time so far (though i'm kinda fed up with the sunday boss fight) and !!!! looking forward to meeting aven again (myriad celestia trailer!) + seeing what other adventures the astral express goes on...

I FORGOT TO REPLY SORRY

aventurine is just such a fun guy. i become attached to characters who try to sell a specific image of themselves pretty much immediately, because the gradual detachment from their own identity and struggle to properly connect with others is always a delight to see. and aven does it so well! he's completely out of touch with himself - kakavasha and aventurine are practically different people by now.

i care deeply about depictions of cptsd in media, particularly when they acknowledge that it really isnt just depression + anxiety + flashback induced panic attacks in a spot the person you ship them with can conveniently find them in and calm them down. such a big part of it is the way it can completely fuck up your self-concept and worldview cuz yknow. your brain structure is altered. it's the key factor in that disconnect that i just talked about. and that constant sense of impending doom and emptiness are a part of that, which often leads to stupidly reckless behavior. i don't even need to bring up aven's whole gambling thing here, do i?

(also please do note that, as i wrote this bit, welt was even further on the forefront of my mind than he usually is. because of course he would be)

him and ratio are also a fun match, because ratio does not care for the way aventurine flaunts himself (to pretend he has his shit together) in the slightest. he'd do a good job at getting aven to just... slow down, and wouldn't allow their relationship to develop into something unhealthy either.

(its one of the reasons i like avenpaz + ratio, bc aven and topaz on their own would most certainly enable each other's bad habits. they have a bit too much in common in that regard.)

AND ACHERON. ACHERON...

miss raiden bosenmori mei i love you so damn much. she does the "oh, i'm doomed? my struggle was meaningless? well if nothing matters then i will do what i want" thing so well, and every dynamic she has with the other characters is fascinating to me.

one really big thing to consider is that, since acheron's whole backstory is essentially the bad ending of honkai impact 3rd, she's already seen all of this dreamscape shit. she's been living in the waking world for a long time now. in the quest "when the sacred ginmill closes," her and welt talk about kevin kaslana, someone who used his last resort to try and save humanity from the uphill battle against the honkai and plunge all of humanity into a dreamscape (etc), robbing it of its future.

a big part of hi3 is the direness of the situation, and the way people push themselves to go further and further in hopes of reaching this unattainable peace. it's an absolutely sisyphian task. and acheron let go - she defeated her version of kevin (why would you name him that) and let her homeworld be enveloped by the nihility.

so acheron's been there. she lost the people she loved, struggled against a meaningless end and was changed so irreversibly that she's not even human anymore. and there's a lot of potential for her to properly guide aventurine out of the nihility (i mean that's kind of her job?) and onto a path that's a lot more meaningful to him.

also, i'm saving a lot of my acheron thoughts for when i actually finish hi3, but there's a few dynamics that i could pick apart and think about forever. my favorites being aventurine and his whole (gestures at this post) stuff, black swan as someone whose whole being consists of memories while acheron perpetually erases them, welt as someone who shares the same experiences and black hole related powers, and firefly, who exists in the moment because she can't dream in the first place, and chooses to fight against the inevitable without being afraid of it.

...also also also i fucking love black holes and i love how it's connected to sun imagery and i think the idea of icarus reaching the sun only to discover a hopeless abyss beyond it is my favorite hsr symbolism thing ever. black holes are like THE thing to show hopelessness and meaninglessness and emptiness and a point of no return, because they devour everything and leave nothing. we don't truly know what lies within a black hole!! we might never find out!!! there are so many suns out there that will end up as black holes but we can appreciate their beauty nonetheless, can't we??? ive never seen a character with black hole (or sun) imagery that didn't fuck severely. a person who will figuratively consume you in your entirety if you get too close. they can't even help it. it gets me every single fucking time. can you guys tell that interstellar changed my brain chemistry when i first watched it as a kid. i need to punch a wall

[nutlessspeedrun]

on a hornier note:

ive been using up a lotttt of orgasms lately, since i kinda sank back into the habit of cumming before bed most nights?

theres 165 days until the end of the year. 135 if you discount No Nut November, of course. and so far, ive cum 89 times this year. my goal has been to follow my trend and cum less than i di last year - so less than 200 times. ideally, 150 is my goal.

that means i have 61 orgasms left for the year. that means i have to wait two days between orgasms, IDEALLY three though.

im gonna be so fucked next year. 100 orgasms over a full year means waiting like, four days between orgasms. and the year after that? oh god. maybe 50 less per year is too steep. i wanna find someone to control my orgasms full time soon, but like. oh god, thats so much power to give up, yknow?

maybe ill get so desperate that ill start resorting to ruined orgasms just to get by. who knows!

feel free to uhhh. tease me about rationing out my cum lol

[strqyr]

Yknow sometimes I think about how Ozma was visibly horrified by the task Light gave him, so horrified he collapsed. The only reason he came back was for Salem and when they split he defaulted to the task, purely bc I think he felt like he had no other purpose. Granted he worked towards it when he was with her, but definitely more as a "Screw it, I'm here, may as well try" and he was questioning it.

Like. Oz has such a complicated relationship with the task. He's obviously given up on it, and likely hates it, but in the beginning I think he probably wanted to believe it Might be good. But then he gave up on it when he found out Salem can't he destroyed (which was likely a last resort option for him), and later came to the conclusion that the task doesn't matter at ALL. The Gods don't matter. Remnant doesn't need fixing because it was never broken, and to him, this is his freedom.

Honestly, I really wonder what Ozma was gonna say in response to "We could've had freedom." Was he gonna say "I thought we already were"? Or maybe a simpler "I'm sorry"? Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. Salem sees Remnant as it is as a cage with the gate closed. Ozpin sees that the gate is open. They have such opposing views on freedom,,

one of the very first things we learn about ozma is that he had been ready to give his life for justice countless times before he met salem, finding someone worth saving it for. like, he was a legendary warrior and he was alone, and for that reason i think his reincarnation is the key to his character, bc what if light had just made him immortal or anything like that that didn't ensure he was never alone? after the fight with salem, he would not have had any connection to the world—"that world just isn't as dear to me without her." is what he said when he first refused the task—so in his darkest moments, when he saw no point in any of it, i think the chances of ozma bringing the relics together just to end it would have been much, much higher than they ever were due to reincarnating, because then he wasn't alone, and each of his hosts had some kind of connection to remnant as it was.

there's also, like. yeah, he kinda worked towards the task with salem, but once salem went "let's kill the non-believers", it ended right there. that's not what the god of light asked of him; humanity was meant to live in harmony and set aside their differences, not fight amongst themselves. and while the general angle with the whole judgment deal is yikes, asking for peace isn't like. horrible thing to ask for lol of course ozma would be like "yeah, that sounds great!"—it's the "...or everyone dies" that's the problem; there's no second chances, he has to get it right the first time, and that's terrifying.

what that also meant for ozma is that once the split happened, him and salem were opposite forces; she wouldn't accept the gods return and thus would work to prevent it from happening, so in ozma's mind he needs to destroy salem to have any chance in favorable outcome. . . and then jinn tells him "lol nope" and that's that.

what else can he do? he's gone through two attempts at his task and both ended poorly; one went into a direction he wasn't comfortable with—he was a legendary hero who fought only for righteousness, this was never going to go well with him—and with the other he didn't even get properly started before it ended.

he found himself in a dead end, but over the years he's found peace in other things; the world is fine as it is. humanity does not need to be made whole again. ozpin made a collection of fairy tales that included stories like a man getting into a staring contest with the sun (and wins, but at the cost of becoming blind) and one of humans breaking the sun with their demands only to make a new sun, the old one becoming the moon, even going as far in his notes as to make it evidently clear the sun is a celestial gift from the god of light.

like. there isn't even need to read between the lines, oz has made it abundantly clear that he believes in this world's and it's peoples' right to exist as they are.

as for what he was going to say, i'm definitely leaning towards "i'm sorry" simply bc i like the idea that in that moment, ozma. . . he had been warned by light that he would not find comfort but only pain, but he didn't let that stop him. he still went to salem, but that's what's on his mind, and he's sorry, because it didn't have to end this way.

[timidtresleches]

Actually. Some songs specifically from my shitty playlist (warning: my taste in music is shitty too) that make me smile thinking of postal dude and the song at the same time. Maybe they'll dance. Maybe they'll sing. Maybe they'll just sit there and listen to it while dying inside a little bit less than normal (this one is Postal 1 Dude and Redux) JDJSKDNBDD

Okay fuck uhhh

Postal 1 Dude: he can be a little edgy as a treat. I know everyone agrees he listens to Nine Inch Nails but they're sadly not on my playlist atm. Anyway he can get Sail by AWOLNATION I guess.

Postal Redux Dude: he's not as depressed seeming as postal 1 Dude. That being said I got a single papa roach song here and that's Last Resort. And I think redux can be a little roach too. Get that wii sports resort bitch

Postal 2: I've been trying to not give anyone MSI for this post. The Left Rights is technically NOT MSI. I'm giving GENESIS 16:12 because fuck you

Postal 3: he gets Fergalicious

Postal Brain Damaged: TV static. OK I kid. He gets Child Protective Services by Nero's Day In Disneyland. Or maybe even Sprawling Effigy by the same person. Get that music that makes zero sense to my mom white boy

Postal 4: dilf gonna get a song out of my parents playlist this time. Lmao Daddy Cool by Boney M. IM SORRY IM SORRY. He gets YMCA by Village People. Bye

Shtopor: so I don't listen to Russian music. He gets Lemon Jelly Sim Time from the Sims 2 Nightlife expansion pack.

Postal Movie Dude: ... I wanted to give him smth really basic bitch but I saw She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals and I was like yeah that songs vibes work with him. That works. Maybe even Tarzan Boy by Baltimora. He gets TWO SONGS

OH FUCK POSTAL DOE.

She gets uhhhh. Yknow what this song isn't on my playlist but I have it on CD. I'm giving her Lady Gaga's G.U.Y. because Doe is so extremely Gender for a woman she really just has lady gagas gender situation. No idea what's happening with Gaga but Doe has that going on too. YEET

[sommerregenjuniluft]

everytime i remember both barty & james are setters in ur haikyuu au i go a little insane...... what r they like when they're playing each other?? constantly taunting the other, doing setter dumps back and forth, telling each other the exact play they're about to do, etc....

cass my light my love i'm so glad you asked i only just thought about them yesterday

so back in january i've been watching a lot of international volleyball games on youtube and like taking notes and through that found out how i want james and barty to play. i bet you remember this post. both james and barty do this but in different ways. iranian national team setter saeid marouf does this thing where no matter how good or bad the receive is he always manages to keep his players in a tight rhythm. they're on a time limit so to say and he passes the ball accordingly fast after taking it on, urging his hitters to sped up their last two steps before the jump, which increases their hight and power. it's so mercyless and trusting and how talented you have to fucking be to keep that up let alone invent that so that's our james right there. for barty he is less of an obvious genius (i'm not 100 sure yet if i'll leave it like that or might add something but for now) he always sets percisely in the hitting window to let them also make decisions of their own because they're all so cunning and observant he knows they'll decide on the right thing. slytherin has a wild variety of plays that all are very confusing to their opponent (lots of players attacking at the same time and curved sprints, switching places and everything) even after a bad receive they manage to pull a complex play (they're much like seijoh in that aspect). barty signalizes them the play he wants to do and waits until the last second with deciding who he wants to set to, he's a calculating monster. always having the opponents players in view, how his own hitters are doing, how the receive was, everything. his unpredictability makes him dangerous.

now when they're playing against each other is mostly a disaster waiting to happen. barty is a first year and he's constantly getting admonished by his upperclassmen and the second evan only so much as suspects barty's concentration is slipping because he's too focused on beating James instead of gyffindor he sends him the biggest death glare to reign him back in. and while james is also only a second year, he is captain. sirius has to do so much damage control as vice whenever his temper gets the better of him and it's, if understandably when against barty, a lot.

slytherin is a downright mean team. they block the view to the person serving. they aim where it hurts. yknow how the teams assemble after each point for morality/celebration to like pat each others back? whenever gryffindor makes a mistake and esp when they fumble a serve, slytherin cheers just a tad too loudly. like it's bordering on disrespectful/bad sportmanship. also (and while they def dont need to resort to such measures) they love questioning the referees. they insist there was a block touch or they insist that the served ball was outside of the line etcetc. ofc james is the first to also stand by the refs, shaking his head and desperately trying to remain calm because he does not appreciate getting cheated.

barty being our deceptive king probably would do something like revealing his plays when he hears some of the opponents talk about it, but he'd have to do it under his breath and in secret because the thrid years dont appreciate him being that cocky (because they dont know yet that he can pull it off). also one time after a bad receive he yells Quick! but instead of a middle blocker quick he sets to an outside hitter and everyone is like ?!!?!? but yeah 100% setter dumps back and forth i can easily see james doing one at the very beginning of a set or match even. constantly taunting each other. like in my mind i think it would take quite a lot to get james to lose his uplifting/confident demeanor (as in sad/resigned to a loss) but he does get annoyed/infuriated from time to time, esp about someone outsmarting him (cough atsumu core). and barty is just overall pissed at james keeping his form and not fucking up and petty asf and he 100% trash talks near the net. maybe even about sirius and regulus

[suffarustuffaru]

I'd love to hear more about Otto and Natsumi Schwartz if you have anymore thoughts on them

hah once again ty for all the cool asks its been fun answering them :o !! and arghhhhh otto and natsumi......................................... i have many thoughts.

ive been planning on making a comprehensive otto queer analysis post for a while - just bc i think my thoughts on reading otto as queer are kinda spread across different posts of mine HAH and i dont normally write very formally with proper grammar in most of my analysis posts, even (...i normally save that for my school essays...... </3) but id love to make an actual formal analysis just for the topic of queer otto bc i have been Gathering Evidence!! making theories!! otto's whole judging attitude towards natsumi is definitely part of it.

and also i do have fic wips in the works abt these sorts of topics!! i am publishing one sometime this month or early next month!!

anyway i went over like my theory on otto being a little fixated on normalcy in asks like this one.... which is yknow due to being an outcast his entire life so then he ends up overcorrecting a little (see: him insisting on wearing green bc he thinks itll help him look approachable) but then he never fits in anywhere Except for the emilia camp anyway so :,))

that, and. you would Think that otto wouldnt give a shit bc of his dp. like animal biology is soo widely different between different animals, biological sex can be a little complicated at times (like. snails. for example) and of course animals all work Really differently, but also sometimes animals will have sex with other members of their species with the same sex (like bats. or giraffes.) so its like. Yes, human sex and gender and sexuality and human concepts of these things are Not comparable to animals but its still like - these are natural things, you know? and ottos talked with lots of animals and probably seen a bit of shit, so you would expect him not to be homophobic or transphobic or anything right?

and i think on one level he would recognize human sex, gender, and sexuality as natural things, bc they are, but i also think otto still has internalized shit going on from all the times hes struggled with learning social rules and how human connection works as he was growing up, id say. i remember how in my. um. "how homophobic would rz characters be" tier list i had to move otto UP a tier into the same tier as FERRIS AND SUBARU.... in the DEALING WITH INTERNALIZED SHIT tier..... yes. i have reasons for doing that yep!!

so. in three idiots goddess statue episode, garf otto and subaru of course crossdress to go to this party with roswaal for Reasons!!!! and ottos got a bit of an attitude about the crossdressing ok. just gonna leave some excerpts from there regarding otto's feelings on natsumi and crossdressing:

She is a thin woman with wavy gray hair and beautiful ornaments. She has a neutral face, but the lightly applied makeup enhances her good looks. She looks so good in a dress that exposes her thin white shoulders that it is a shame that she walks with her head down.

Natsumi: “So, how long are you going to keep your mouth shut? Don't you think it's time to make up your mind?” Audrey: “I'm more curious as to why you're so adamant about this!” Natsumi: “Oh-ho-ho-ho” Audrey blushed and yelled at Natsumi, who put her hand over her mouth and laughed loudly. However, in no time at all. Audrey immediately covered her face with her hands, as if ashamed of herself. Audrey: “How could this happen? If I knew there had been two other people besides me, I wouldn't have had to resort to such emergency measures! I've been tricked!"

Needless to say, it was Garfiel who was dressed as the blonde woman, and Otto as the gray-haired woman. And the last one, Natsumi Schwartz, was the one who… Subaru: “So she's the temporary form of Natsuki Subaru, as you know.” Otto: “Um, how come you're so smooth and perfect? Even your voice has changed, hasn't it?” Subaru: “Actually, I failed once before because I couldn't change my voice. Ever since then, I've been practicing for a chance at revenge.”

Subaru: “Did you actually have a secret desire to dress as a woman? So you took this opportunity to......?” Otto: “don’t look at me like you've just found out the terrible truth!” Otto spat and screamed at Subaru's shocked face. Then, while he was breathing hard. Otto: “Your crazy prediction is way off! I really only did what Ram asked me to do. I thought I was doing the camp a favor, and this is how they treat me!” Subaru: “Wow, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, calm down. Look, you're ruining your pretty face....…” Otto: “Shut up”

With the men calling out to her one after another, Audrey left the crowd and took a breath. She wanted to sit on the balcony and enjoy the cool breeze to cool down the heat of the party. To be honest, since we entered the venue, the men have been constantly coming at us with no time to rest. Audrey had heard that this was a place to meet people, but the hunt of a hungry wolf is insatiable. They are so hungry that they are even blinded by the gender of the person in front of them. If they don't develop a better eye for women, even if they do meet someone, they will probably end up unhappy. Or is it that "good"?  Audrey: “Hmm, makeup is scary. I can see how men can turn into....…”

Audrey glanced toward the center of the hall. There, as usual, Natsumi was having a good time chatting with many of the participants. She was so excited that she could be heard shouting over and over again. Garnet: “Captain...... No, not so much as a lady” Audrey: “I really wonder what's going on with that guy....... I'm worried that he won't respond to me calling him Natsuki-San anymore.”

Gwain: “No, no, no, enough is enough. You ladies are beautiful, especially that dark-haired girl, Natsumi Schwartz. She's got the youngsters by the balls. She's a bad girl.” Audrey: “Ha-ha-ha.” Audrey couldn't help but let out a hearty laugh and failed to look feminine.

Then, smiling with her hand over her mouth, is a woman with distinctive mean looking eyes. With her unusual black hair and jet-black dress, she exudes elegance in her demeanor. Perhaps it's because she's a good talker and a good listener, but she seems to be able to swim through the social scene with ease, laughing and creating a friendly atmosphere even when surrounded by several men.  I couldn't decide whether I should be impressed or dismayed by her versatility. A short distance away, a sharp-looking blonde woman silently waved away the men who approached her, creating a stark contrast between the light and dark of the people involved. And to those of us on the sidelines, watching the scene…

anyway so. thats a whole lot of excerpts and theres probably at least a little bit more in that ss that i didnt put in this post hah.... and i know that you could definitely interpret these scenes in a few different ways, and also that when youre writing about gender, your feelings on it are likely to bleed into the text a bit and so some of stuff like otto being a Bit of an Asshole in this ss might just be tappei's tappei-isms also (which is most likely the case for stuff like this entire ss tbh :,)) ) but. but i do think theres Something here to be analyzed in regards to otto!!

bc like. lbr. i really doubt that otto is Straight. i really really doubt that hes straight, and i feel like theres just so so much possible gay subtext behind whatever the hell ottos feelings for subaru are thatre scattered across side content and the main story HAH...... this isnt even my ottosuba bias talking, its genuinely what i think could be happening here. and lbr if otto was female everyone and their mother would be shipping ottosuba more i think haha.

but yeah anyway otto shows up being a little...... wack..... about crossdressing??? HM. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. but also the rezero fantasy world seems to be rather Judgmental about these sorts of things anyway so. :,)))

but i am squinting HARD at "I'm worried that he won't respond to me calling him 'Natsuki-san' anymore".............. and the hungry wolf part......... im squinting at it for multiple reasons (tappei being tappei) (.....but also WHAT is going on in otto's head...)..... "I couldn't decide whether I should be impressed or dismayed by her versatility."............

anyway. i think this could be several possiblities....

otto is once again focused on what's considered "normal" and is focused on trying to at least Attempt to fit into societal ideas of normalcy so when he sees subaru whos this absolutely chaotic and bold person whos also like Queer In Every Direction, otto's brain basically shortcircuits. hes like "wtf how are you doing that. you cant do that. thats not allowed. youre so confident about this too. wtf" (ie: ............otto is transphobic.) (this is 1ooo% the most likely option)

otto is gay for subaru and subaru dressing as a woman gives otto a little bit of a bi crisis. natsumis a bad girl thats got youngsters by the balls, you see. also bc subaru called otto pretty and otto was immediately like "SHUT UP" like T^TT

otto is gay for subaru and subaru dressing as a woman gives otto a tiny itty bitty crisis bc if subaru's sex was female and if subaru was 100% a woman then liking subaru romantically would be a million times easier bc then its societally acceptable

otto, being a bit of a manipulative asshole, goes "hm. subaru-as-natsumi effortlessly charming the room? interesting. i approve of the political maneuvering."

otto is being an asshole, once again, to complain, once again, about all the work he Willingly Does for his friends

................................................gender envy???????

or feeling off bc hes uncomfortable crossdressing just bc of that mismatch between his gender presentation and his gender yknow

otto is feminine/androgynous, so could he have been made fun of for this in the past?????????????????? does he ever get uncomfy about that?????????????????????? not being traditionally masculine??????? bc otto easily passes as a woman when hes crossdressing?????????

a mix of a few of the above options!!!!!

but yeah like. ottos clearly ashamed and embarrassed to be crossdressing. he's also been mistaken for a woman in the past (in subaru's pov) bc yknow hes very androgynous. and also otto gets Really Fucking Defensive when subaru insinuates that otto couldve wanted to dress as a woman also this entire time. the "youre ruining your pretty face..." "shut up." exchange is SOOOO.... T^TT

(and also quick side note but i think ottos stance on queerness is "i dont think its personally wrong. except that i think its wrong Societally bc society will be a bitch about it!! too much Trouble and Work For Me!!!! " :,)))) fucking bitch. thanks otto </333)

and im sure the "I'm worried that he won't respond to me calling him 'Natsuki-san' anymore" line is a dig at subaru passing so so strongly as natsumi that ottos like "urgh hes more of a Woman now" or smth :,))))) however!! its also interesting just bc "natsuki-san" is like. otto turned it into a pet name. basically. like at this point. even though he and subaru have grown closer during and after arc 4 otto Still uses "natsuki-san" - its kind of special, yknow? dude turned that into a fond nickname. so its like..................... if you squint.... why is otto basically saying "will subaru being natsumi drive him away from me..." like im gonna slap otto across the face i swear HAHA. but also otto Does use "natsumi-san" towards natsumi as well but im still. squinting hard at that. "natsuki-san" is The original pet name, after all.

and also the hungry wolf lines... like i know the intent of that is like. otto as audrey keeps getting hit on by guys at this party bc shes attractive, right, with her dress and makeup and styled hair and all that. insert tappei's tappei-isms here. but ottos musing on this like "mm.... men can be so hungry in their romantic pursuits that they'd be blind to the true gender of the person theyre hitting on...... makeup can really do such a thing huh... turns men into Animals..." and its like. hm. otto. you know. i Wonder. i really wonder my guy after hearing about you be obsessive over subaru for like three arcs!!!!!!!!!!

as for ottos gender like. dude is cisgender in canon im sure. though i definitely think its fun to explore genderqueer interpretations of him - and even then, i think even if he isnt genderqueer, i think there might be a bit of shock or even envy, if you squint, at otto seeing subaru so flamboyant and way more confident about crossdressing while ottos over here ducking his head and red with embarrassment while natsumi is absolutely OWNING it. despite the judgment otto and other people are giving!!! otto could Never. it completely blows ottos mind a little, from the looks of it. "how come youre so smooth and perfect?", the defensiveness at subaru saying otto couldve secretly wanted to dress as a woman, "i couldnt decide whether to be impressed or dismayed", and of course it all goes back to subaru being in the spotlight and otto watching from the sidelines. in the Darkness, you could say. hahahaahahahah................. subaru who gets easily into trouble and seems so so shameless about things while ottos so distressed about it.... about every little thing................

but also i do have another running theory that subaru's masculinity issues and otto's androgyny do clash a little just bc. well subarus judged ferris a bit before - "what part of you is like a man?" iirc is the line from arc 4 wn that subaru said to ferris. and subaru can feel more confident bc hey.... im more masculine than a guy like otto, right? otto, who can easily be mistaken for a girl? but im sure subaru would be a little jealous, even. maybe. bc woah. i want to pass as a girl when i decide to dress as one. and then yknow ottos being a dick abt it. maybe its a "im a man and Not a woman" (cisgender man who is uncomfortable dressing as a woman and knows this is not for him) thing too or maybe its a "im a man and Not a woman, so doing this is stupid and beneath me" (internalized/not internalized transphobia????????????) thing???????

yeah so idk i feel like theres different ways to read this fr especially when. haah..................... otto is Not Straight for subaru. thats for sure.

so why are you being an asshole about your crush crossdressing????????? why does it kind of threaten you a bit???????????????????????? why are you behaving this way????????????????????

but if you think about it i do think that maybe. at the heart of all of this. otto is just upset at the Impossibility of him and subaru being together (in any sense of that word) bc theyre so similar but so so different and it makes them clash in every way. :,))))

[kozykricket]

i wont lie, terraria shimmer teeters very close to too much quality of life for me. to the point if it had any more perma buffs id probably call it a bit of powercreep but also like. with terraria, i really dont care what the devs do because i trust in them a Lot and. the game is a smorgasbord anyways yknow? funny thing is, shimmer is probably one of my fav things to introduce people to in terraria, because its so cool. and it feels like... hidden cheat codes, almost. like. theres some merit i think to having really obscure and impossible to figure out mechanics, because. yes. it makes the game a "wiki game" sometimes but then i get to feel really cool showing my friends all the special transmutations that exist, like the peddlers satchel. its like. yeah okay why is qol for traveling merchant selling more locked behind that? its kinda weird. but. its cool cus i get to feel cool and clever doing it. again terraria shows its mastery of making u feel cool for being able to do something or being able to know something or maybe thats just me loving my fixation on terraria and knowing everything about games that i play

oh right i said i think shimmers close to too much qol yea i think sometimes theres like. ways it reduces grind where its like i dont mind the grind in terraria ive been over this. and so. do i really want them to reduce the grind? but for one, theres the "it feels like a cheatcode, not just some recipe" as well as like its a way to keep low droprates for things like say, the adhesive bandage. to keep it from dropping a crapton. so .. .you can shimmer a bezoar for it yet still it makes people grind for Something for it and... reward their unluckiness for being so lucky they happen to get more bezoars than they need like, theres still the grind of killing an enemy involved. same for the magma stone to lava charm conversion. that just means you get to pick "im gonna farm hell bats instead of chests around the area"

which like. is . an option. and options for doing things are good! its just if one option is blatantly easier than another one, that it gets to be. weird I also appreciate fishing in terraria as being an alternative for many things! yes it can be grindy, but also. tbh? fishing can be pretty darn easy, if you just do some angler quests and use some potions. ive fished for rare stuff i dont have before. and sometimes it sucks, but ... its usually not that bad. its fair as a last resort for getting stuff that you can otherwise get i suppose this turned into a ramble about just, the methods of getting stuff in terraria in general but anyways, point is i like shimmer, but it was so close to being something i couldve very much hated. and in terms of the permabuffs, they're very very negligible, if you told me they were just placebo and did nothing id believe you. which is good. they shouldnt be that much and... for stuff like swapping class emblems? now thats just fantastic. not every single piece of loot should be able to be swapped out for another piece of loot! i think grinding bosses is good sometimes! but for the WALL of FLESH of all things, and for something as important as a class damage accessory? entirely fair all in all i really appreciate the time relogic puts into thinking about stuff

[morvantmortuary]

(very inconsequential hobby-related vent below, just needed to put it somewhere!)

I’ve resorted to lurking on this one plush artist’s socials bc I paid them in full for a maxi commission back in december, when I had enough money left after xmas shopping, and to this day they still haven’t sent me even a concept sketch.

I wouldn’t say I’ve been ghosted - I’ve checked in with them like once a month, just a general “hey, how’s it going” which even then I wondered was Too Much - and they’ve responded and been friendly, but they’ve pushed the date so many times that I’m genuinely starting to worry a little bit :’D I don’t want to start a case w/ the website or anything, and the last I heard from them I really wasn’t too far back in their queue, but all of a sudden they’ve gone completely dark on everything and I’m like… hmm.

which! they probably have a perfectly legitimate reason! people get sick or have a hard time! that’s okay!

I feel weird complaining bc being an indie artist of any kind taking comms can be a rough gig, and I knew ordering in december meant there’d be a delay just bc who does anything in january anyway honestly, but. they’ve had my cash for almost six months now, and that’s probably the longest I’ve gone ever on a comm without seeing so much as like, a sketchy doodle.

I don’t want to ask for a refund bc a. I hate doing that to small artists, and b. I think if I ever see the final piece I’ll really like it based on their portfolio, but. I’m also at the time of the year where I don’t get paid again until August bc of how my student contract works, so while it’s not *a ton* of money in the grand scheme of things, it is a time where if it’s been this long and I’ve seen nada, I wouldn’t hate having it back, yknow?

idk. statistically, having a plush problem was going to come back to bite me someday, and if this is the most inconvenienced I’ve been so far it really isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things. I’m just having problems explaining that to the little hyperfixation raccoon in the back of my brain yelling “PLEASE CAN I SEE THE THING IT’S BEEN SO LONG”

alas :’D there doesn’t seem to be a satisfactory conclusion I’ve come up with so far, unless I get a message out of the blue tomorrow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

you’ve been sweet if you’ve read this far, have a photo of my cat the goblin prince!

[ruleofrosethorns]

notes for kuwtm!! (since some of yall seem to really enjoy this au)

the main au takes place a few months after SH3

james is here because harry kinda just felt like visiting sh after a couple of years and lo n behold

CAR IN TOLUCA LAKE FEAT. DEPRESSED WET CAT!!

he saved wittle old james and the rest is history

Harry DID NOT DIE because his protective bf (james) saved his sleepy ass

they decided to go on a road trip to Silent Hill and fuck around for a bit

(i might start writing a separate thing for that hehe)

anyway at some point harry got separated from the gang(tm) and went to alchemilla hospital

AND HOLY SHIT LISA IS HERE SHE IS VIBING

(oh and Maria was out and about terrorizing James like old times <3)

pretty much there's just a group of monsters who are kinda just hanging out and smoking weed

they're cool w/ the gang and through undisclosed plot developments i'm still tryna work out in my brain-

the weed-smoking sh group survives the purge of Harold Mason and move into the human world

not directly next to but in the same area as the Masons (much to their concern (except for Heather))

and thus, the mlm wlw rivalry begins /j

Heather enjoys hanging out w/ them but Harry and James are UNDERSTANDABLY conflicted

like idk bro letting our adopted daughter hang out with the manifestations of my guilt seems kinda wack...

but regardless they all love Lisa because she has never done anything wrong ever

Harry's alright(???) w/ Maria and PH?? James is mostly just annoyed by Maria and PANICKED BY PH

Harry and Lisa are honorary siblings <3 they didn't really get to know each other during SH but that all changed when Lisa moved in

Maria and Lisa are in love and sort of formed a found family with the monsters. co-workers of the otherworld ig

the monsters sort of look up to Maria and Lisa as mother figures, PH being the weird uncle that they all love bc he supplies them weed

James & Harry tend to COINCIDENCELY run into Maria & Lisa whenever they go on a date its an ongoing issue

Most of the monsters can't really go outside?? (y'know because grotesque eldritch horrors aren't "allowed" in public SMH)

So Maria, Lisa & Heather usually go on shopping sprees to get their demonic buddies things that they want

Unfortunately Lisa sometimes starts leaking blood so that's sometimes an issue

(she has to inhale & hold her breath to keep it at bay for long periods of time)

She is like a balloon

ALSO Harry is still an author!! He's moved away from murder mystery's and works on supernatural horror & non-fiction novels about certain cults...

NOT BECAUSE OF SH OR ANYTHING HAHA

James doesn't really have a job.

he just sort of fucks around and gets a new part time job every time the last one realizes he has been legally declared missing for 12-13 years

Heather's still in school (doing her last year), had to repeat once because of SH3 kinda resulting in her family needing a REAL vacation

Maria and Lisa don't have jobs. No one knows how they managed to rent a house. James thinks they probably killed the landlord.

Like seriously, where does their money keep coming from.

Heather asked one day and Lisa spoiled the mystery by admitting they sell random demonic items they find in the Otherworld.

SPEAKING OF HEATHER. she is a girl liker. i don't make the rules (i do)

Harry is also teaching her piano (yknow for puzzle related purposes), James "trys" to help her maths homework to various degrees of success.

James does most of the cooking, but can and will resort to eating dirt if needed.

(He doesn't cook because he's good at it or enjoys it tho. it's not like he is better than Harry at cooking-he just REALLY wants to help out around the house)

Oh also James &  Harry got married a few years before the events of SH3. It was a tough decision for them at first but Heather helped them work things out

(She also hijacked the music at the reception and played My Chemical Romance)

Maria n Lisa had thought about marriage but they're sort of stuck with each other for eternity sooOo

LEMME TALK ABOUT HARRIA REAL QUICK (yes harv i have coined that name it is TOO GOOD)

So Maria is directly, y'know, connected to James' subconscious, so she can go back and forth between the forms

Again, James fell in luv w/ Harry and SH panicked and said "FUCK MARIA CHANGE UR PFP"

At first she didn't have much control over it?? So like a year after SH2, Maria's just chilling w/ Lisa and then POOF

HARRIA. And Lisa's like "AYO :O I KNOW THAT GUY?!" So they found out about the boyfriends PRETTY early on

It took a few months, but she managed to figure out how to shapeshift at will. Turns out shes genderfluid!

But after SH3 she doesn't use it that much (yknow considering harry is RIGHT THERE) but she will shapeshift just to fuck w/ people

James is ashamed to admit he actually fell for it once (he was SLEEPY and half-awake, okay?!)

Harry was a lil bit freaked out at first but now he just thinks it's kinda cool

Heather just thinks it funny that this eldritch demonic horror from another world is basically just a yassified vers of her dad and James' ex-wife

>:3

[wetbloodworm]

been thinking about dnd au charlie and their story. scattered thoughts, no idea if ive posted any of this before

the main plot is that charlie gets infected with a mindflayer tadpole but has ceremorphosis halted, and they're trying to figure out a non-fatal way of getting it out before it exits stasis and continues changing them. in my defense i came up with this before i knew anything about bg3 lol and there’s enough differences that im not TOO bothered. i ain't changing it.

as of now, the idea is that it was a wrong place wrong time scenario. charlie was on some job or something and got caught by a mindflayer. got a tadpole implanted which got right to work, but they were saved by semi-divine intervention (right place right time in this case) that put their tadpole in stasis. didn't remove it, though.

magali is the one who Intervened, and i'm still kinda figuring out her whole situation. she's either some kind of demigod or infant god, i just know that she stole her power from SOMETHING fairly recently and is still figuring out what she can do. she's trying to make a name for herself, show off her new powers, gather a following or at least admirers. protect people! be a hero! be loved! she was hunting down some mindflayers in the material plane when she found and rescued charlie. killing the mindflayer was easy for her, but once it was killed and dropped its psychic hold on charlie they just. started screaming. because their brain was being eaten and they were in enormous pain hdsddhjf so magali was panicked and unsure what to do. the #1 way to stop ceremorphosis is by destroying the victim's head and reviving them, but magali doesn't have resurrection powers. and besides, she didn't want to kill this kid, she wanted to save them! so she somehow just. paralyzed the tadpole instead. i'm unclear on the hows, don't worry about it. semi-divine magic. put the tadpole into stasis and healed what she could of the damage that had been done.

problem was, again, the tadpole wasn't removed, and it wasn't killed, just frozen. maybe it was immune to the kind of magic magali had access to, or killing it would kill charlie, or something. whatever, it was paralyzed where it had started burrowing into charlie’s brain. after being healed, charlie was physically fine (mostly), but magali didn't have any ideas for fully removing the tadpole outside of smashing charlie’s head, but again, someone else would have to do the reviving. another god could do that maybe but magali wasn't on good terms with any yet and she didn't know any high lvl clerics or such. and frankly she'd already done a lot of work tyvm. which charlie was grateful about! just, yknow, oh gods, is the paralysis permanent? will it wake up and get back to munching? what do i do???

so, the quest begins. charlie starts trying to find people who know more about mindflayers and might have insight on non-fatal ways to help them. the fatal method is an option, of course, but it's last resort for charlie. resurrection spells aren't a guarantee and they don't want to die for real. trying to get in contact with a death god to try to ensure their resurrection might be another route they could take.

i know that charlie starts traveling with people after that, partly because they like people, partly because adventuring alone got them a tadpole in their head, partly because they need a failsafe if the worm DOES wake up. i don't think i want magali traveling with them, she’s too OP despite having limitations, but she can be a contact via prayer. she'll do her own asking around, also get back to saving more people and growing her following and therefore her power, the worm shouldn't wake up but uh if it does! call her! she'll just freeze it again it'll be fine! you'll be fine :) good luck :)

other traveling companions can vary. rhys and parker are options. my other OCs are also options as either temporary or permanent companions though i haven't figured that out yet. this is still a bit of a sandbox.

i don't have anything really planned out beyond the start, but we'll get there! charlie will likely survive this, knowing who i am and how resistant i am to truly sad endings lol, i just dk how we get from a to b to c

there are... Effects, from the partial ceremorphosis and from essentially being merged with a tadpole. charlie is a rogue that starts developing aberrant mind sorcerer powers. they also develop a few other Traits, the most visible physical one being a change in the eye where the tadpole was inserted. also a sensitivity to bright lights and instinctual anxiety around sunlight that they aggressively ignored. also, uh. well. they're essentially a dhampir now. thankfully instead of needing to eat brains to survive, they just get a craving for psychic energy. charlie can survive without indulging that hunger, but not comfortably, and the craving becomes maddening over time.

themes i want to touch on here with charlie is their fear of being replaced or forgotten, and the horror of something outside of your control trying to change you. their body not being fully theirs, or the threat of that looming over them. being a time bomb. feeling out of control and scary, feeling like a danger. adapting to a new normal. the horror/guilt of wanting to feed on other people. charlie’s aggressive hope and strong will to live.

i'd like to flesh out the plot with more than just mindflayer stuff, make there be more going on, but i haven't figured that out yet

i previously had it that their tadpole could speak to them, but i think now it's less words and more images or impressions. and not too often. especially if charlie hasn't had a psychic snack recently. it's neither happy nor friendly.

[whatsaudreythinkingabout]

ok ik i reblogged this already but now that i saw THIS add-on i’m rb’ing this again bc it makes smth that happened to me recently make a LOT more sense. and this happened to me as an adult.

obvious TW for abuse but anyways audrey lore time:

so for those of you who don’t know me well enough, i’m autistic & still live w my mom & stepdad; bc of a lot of personal biz that happened in high school it wasn’t until late last year that i finally got a job & a driver’s license & whatnot. and living with them as a disabled adult has been. interesting! to say the least. i love them. but it’s complicated. yk how it is

anyway, this also happened last year, but a few months before i got the job, license, etc. my mom, my stepdad, my mom’s friend & i were all working on a puzzle together. i reached over to grab some pieces but ig my stepdad was upset that i was getting in his space bc he started repeatedly smacking my hand. hard. like, it actually hurt. i left the table after that, but later on i walked in on them having a conversation. i won’t go into specifics but it was basically one of those “oh x used to be called y but you can’t say that anymore bc of woke” and “y” in this equation is an actual slur. and ofc i was like “yo wtf that’s racist you can’t say that” & it just started another argument until he left.

& then my mom told me abt how earlier she had lectured him about putting his hands on me & threatened that if he ever did it again she would “whip him with a big black belt & send him running down the street screaming.” which i thought was kind of funny. but then she gave me the whole “oh he’s from a different generation blah blah blah” shpiel & told me that if i “disrespected him in his own house” like that again she’d do the same thing to me. & immediately followed it up by saying i could “run to my friends’ house if [i] wanted” as if me seeking safety in this hypothetical was something to mock. like how when bullies taunt their victims by asking if they’re gonna “run home to their mommy” but yknow. inverted

and then at the end of that convo i started crying & said smth along the lines of “you were just joking, right? you’re not actually gonna do that?” (bc once again, i’m autistic & normally i can understand jokes & sarcasm just fine but when it’s smth that activates the fight-or-flight response then it gets a lil harder to distinguish). & ofc she immediately switched up & was like “oh no honey of COURSE i wouldn’t, i was just trying to make a point :)” but when i told her please don’t say things like that anymore bc it makes me uncomfortable she said she couldn’t bc it’s just part of who she is

bc the thing is. my mom used to hit me when i was very young. but what makes it complicated is that it wasn’t like…well, whipping me with a big black belt & sending me running down the street screaming. it was “just a swat,” as she calls it. which she justifies as “oh i only did it when i thought you were gonna get hurt bc i was SCARED” oh so you hurt me bc i thought i was gonna get hurt. & once she stopped doing that she resorted to making empty threats of hurting me; and i was never sure what to do, bc it meant either she WAS going to hurt me if she didn’t do what i wanted, or she had no intention & was just saying it bc she knew it would scare me (or “to make a point”) and honestly idk what’s worse.

and the thing is it’s only been over the past year or so (& thanks to some very dear friends, if you’re reading this you know who you are) that i’ve realized a lot of how she’s treated me isn’t normal bc i’ve repeatedly fallen into the trap of “oh it wasn’t that bad, other ppl have had it worse so what do i have to complain about???” bc not to air out my mom’s dirty laundry but she did come from an extremely abusive & dysfunctional family & while she’s working on healing those wounds (& good for her for doing so) a lot of that generational trauma unfortunately got passed onto me. & i feel like she also justifies it as “oh what i had to go through was worse so you should be grateful i’m not doing that to you.” and whenever i show objection she acts like i’m playing the victim & i WANT to paint her as the bad guy. but i don’t! i want to have a good relationship with her! i do genuinely get along with her sometimes! & it’s in those moments i think it’s finally getting better but then we get sent back to square one again! & it’s so confusing when she wants me to see her as a friend (re: so she can vent about her own trauma to me bc i’m really her only close female friend) when i’ve known her as an authority figure my whole life & the lines are getting blurred when they shouldn’t!

my mom wants me to feel safe around her. i want to feel safe around her. but how can i? if i bring up smth she does that bothers me, she lectures me for two hours about how it’s actually my fault. if i cry, i’m emotionally manipulating her. if i even act afraid around her bc i think she’s gonna get mad at me for smth, she gets mad at me for being scared she’s gonna get mad. she says she would never hurt me. but truthfully? i don’t believe her. she’s done it before, how can i be sure she won’t do it again if i push her too far?

and how this loops back to the above reblog is that i’ve seen how she is when someone ELSE hurts me (see the earlier paragraph about my stepdad). she takes pride in how protective she is over me. as soon as it’s someone else, she goes into mama bear mode. but it also goes to the point of paranoia; tracking my phone, making me aware of every possible danger, beyond the usual stereotypical overprotectiveness a mother would show. and i can excuse some of it as a trauma response, but at the same time i’m 23 years old. i’m not a baby anymore, even if she still sees me as one. i feel safer in the outside world than i do my own home sometimes. but that’s just the thing. no one’s allowed to hurt me but her. everything’s a contradiction. she wants me to feel like this is my home and i’m welcome here, but also it’s HER home and i just live in it (re: that one quote from carmen maria machado’s in the dream house). for that reason she wants me to move out & be independent & she’s proud of me for taking those steps, but she still wants to control everything else. any time i try to tell her i struggle with smth bc of my autism, it’s an excuse, but whenever i try to call her out on smth she’s all too ready to blame it on her trauma. she always makes sure to stress how much she loves me and supports me and is proud of me every day, but is what she does out of love, or ownership? i genuinely don’t know anymore.

ever since realizing all of this, a song that’s been popping up on repeat every so often for me is “christmas kids” by roar. it’s become one of my favorites; though in-context it’s about the true story of a woman escaping her abusive husband, out of context it feels all too familiar:

you’ll change your name, or change your mind, and leave this fucked-up place behind…but i’ll know.

_________________________________________________

(a/n: this turned out a LOT longer than i expected & this isn’t even all of what i’ve experienced, this is just from one incident, but anyways if you’re reading this & can relate just know that i love you & you’re not alone)

I think the hardest part about addressing child abuse is getting people to acknowledge, not just intellectually but actually responding accordingly, is that the biggest threat to children, the biggest risk of abuse, is family and parents.

it is of course most often parents who are crowing about needing to protect children (often against far smaller threats than family), and pointing out that they are, statistically, the biggest threat to their kids is not gonna be received well.

[pretty-little-martyr]

apartment living is wild. guy in the place beneath me had since i moved in been screaming at the top of his lungs all the time, every night, months long--not distressed, more like he's, i don't know, watching sports games and super invested? it irritates me but i figure yknow, his apartment, his business, i have absolutely had worse neighbors. anyway. someone puts a note on his door reading "please for the love of god just stop screaming all of the time." he takes it down and puts up his own note apologizing but asking people to leave him their number so he can "speak to [them] face to face about it." i dont know about yall but im not going to just write my phone number on a piece of paper on someones door, and apparently no one else in my building will either, so he gets no numbers on his door. he takes down the note. he puts up one of those invasive ass ring doorbell cameras, but at least its not the kind that whistles to make you look over, so i just cover my face when passing it. and right now, at this fine two in the morning, he is screaming again. wild. my hypothesis is he was insulted by the note somehow (though to be frank i dont know if the note was the first or last resort given i just resigned myself to having a loud but amusing neighbor forever), wanted to argue his case or something in person, and when people didnt take to his method of communication, he got pissy and now doesnt want anyone else to be able to sneak up and leave a note on his door. strange behaviour all around from everyone, probably myself included here.